i'm tired of being a doormat...

So after Seth basically told me that he didn't want a relationship and they were a waste of time, I told him to delete my number because I couldn't handle being around him and talking to him knowing that he didn't want what I wanted. The next day, I deleted him off of my facebook. I in turn got a text from him the day after that questioning why I had done it. Like it needed an explanation. I'm not one to treat facebook like a popularity contest. If I don't talk to you on a somewhat normal basis..I'm more than likely not gonna be friends with you on there.

So after a week or so, I decided to re-activate my account on the online dating site. I got the usual weirdos again, as usual. There were a few that sparked my interest, I'd wink, and wouldn't hear anything back. Typical. And then I got a wink from a guy that was pretty cute. I say cute, but that's really a term used to describe someone who has that "boyish" look to him or is still young. This guy was handsome. His smile was what caught my eye. He was older. He was divorced. He had 2 kids. He drove a motorcycle. There was something about him that screamed "I'm a good guy with a sensitive side, but I'm also a badass with a motorcycle". I liked it. We chatted in emails for a little while, and then that transpired to texting. We found each other on facebook (I know, I know). It seemed like it was going alright. And then I looked through his pictures...

It wasn't that there was any kind of porn or whatever. But it was more of WHO had commented on some of his pictures. It was "her". The girl that I'd only heard about. It was Seth's ex. How the hell did she know this guy? I grew some balls and decided to ask him. I told him that I wasn't prying..and I didn't know her personally..but how did her know "her"? It obviously blindsided him, but when I told him that I knew someone that she knew..he asked who..and I told him Seth. I'm sure if I could have seen him, his jaw had hit the floor.

Apparently...Bobby (the new guy) had dated "her" for a while. She lied to him all the time, and used to text Seth all the time. While Seth was supposed to have been with me. And the worst part? He was the one texting her too. It kept getting worse though. Everything Seth had ever told me was a lie.

That his ex had lied about the ER and she fell and banged her knee herself..that he never touched her. LIE.
He tried to strangle her.

That his ex had totalled his truck. They were both thrown from the truck and since she wasn't on the insurance..she lied and said he'd been driving. He'd also been drinking so he got a DUI and had to take alcohol abuse classs. LIE.
He drove. They fought. She got out of the truck, and then got back in. They fought some more. He floored it and crashed.

The worst part?

He told me he'd only been with like 7 girls. That couldn't be the farthest thing from the truth...it was more like over 100 girls. Bobby could name at least 7 girls that he knew personally. I felt sick. Strike that. I was sick. I ran to the bathroom and puked.

He played the victim with every girl. That his ex had screwed him over and he was so hurt and felt so betrayed. I'm sure he had every girl eating out of the palm of his hand. I was disgusted with him. But more..I felt betrayed myself. I had confided in him about my past and what I'd been put through by exes. He didn't care. He never did.

And now there's Bobby.

Like the title of this thing says..I'm tired of being a door mat. If you want to hang out, let me know. And don't tell me that you want to see me, and when I ask if you want to watch a movie, say you don't feel good because you were out until 3 the night before. Also..don't put pictures of yourself up on facebook of you out with your friends after you've ignored my texts. That's just rude. And stupid. But whatever.

Like I said...I'm tired of being a door mat. I'm tired of thinking that a guy is going to be honest and real..and they're not. I'm tired of crying (not that I have over Bobby..just in general). I'm tired of getting my heart broken. I'm tired of putting myself out there just to have it handed right back to me. I'm tired of guys saying that they want relationships..just to say they don't when they start to figure out that you're not putting out.

I'm done.